I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
