I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
