Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
