u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
