I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
