that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
