just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
