What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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