Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
