Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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