Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
