ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
