Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
