fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
