The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
