When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
