On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
