The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I cut my penus on the lid.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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