overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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