We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
