dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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