I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
