Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
