I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
