Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
