hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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