Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
