my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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