I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Terrible idea I love it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
