Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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