in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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