Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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