Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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