Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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