Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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