Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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