I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
