good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
two words: eviction party
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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