Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
