I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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