Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
