I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
