Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
