I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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