This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
