the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Randomize
