My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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