Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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