Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
