yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
