ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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