Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
