Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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