Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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